that mysticism

I saw on a Facebook friend's posting last week while in Taipei that there was a scheduled discussion workshop on "Egocentricity and Mysticism" at a university in the city, and signed up for it since that subject title roused my interest.

It was a university (政治大學) located at the outer part of the town that I had never been to before therefore took me a while--thru subway, taxi, then some leg work--to finally reach its Philosophy Department at the campus.

​The workshop was at the department's library room, a Caucasian lady was sitting there already and smiled at me when I went in. She later introduced herself to be a professor emerita from a liberal arts college in Pennsylvania. A few other "foreigner" scholars stepped in later: Christian was a German philosophy professor teaching at a couple of colleges here, Konstantin was a PhD student from Russia studying philosophy here, and Kai, another German, was the teaching professor at the Department and the organizer of the event.

Our presenter today, Mario, was yet another German, who came from University of Macau, where he taught philosophy and co-translated the book of today's discussion subject from German to English. (Now you know why there were so many Germans here.)

We all had received a few chapters of the book Kai emailed us a few days ago, but Mario still gave us a fairly good summary of the book before the discussion:

Basically, the author (Ernst Tugendhat, a Czech-born German philosopher of Jewish descent) took a unique, somewhat nuanced approach to explain why people take to mysticism as their ultimate world view: Comparing to other animals, we humans are "I-sayers" that speak context independent sentences, which means from the moment we start using language to express ourselves or communicate with others, we possess a sense of self-perspective, the world as a whole (beyond the immediate environment where the speech is made), and the existence of other human beings who have their own self-perspectives as well. 

To achieve the "peace of mind," which seems to be what the author thinks the ultimate goal of life we humans like to pursue, we eventually reach a rational conclusion that the way to do this is to step back from our ego-centered self, accept other human beings' self-perspectives, so to integrate with the world as a whole.

​

Simple as that, all based on one peculiar human linguistic characteristic, which Christian--who had read the book years ago and apparently was no fan of it--didn't feel convincing enough, and wrote a two page criticism ("Though animals may have no languages like ours, they could still have self consciousness like we do, for example") to share with us, for practically the remaining discussion of the day.

The second discussion session was two days later. This time we focused on the latter part of the book, regarding mysticism, and had another interesting and animated hours-long discussion for a Wednesday morning:

Konstantin raised questions on the subjects of free will and responsibility, crime and punishment... wondering if no punishment should be exerted on persons who act to achieve their goal of prudential good rather than moral good, as Tugendhat seems to argue based on his definition of free will and the affective responses society uses to groom its denizens.

  

Pointing out yet another peculiar approach Tugendhat uses in the book for his arguments, i.e., blending the phenomenological with the analytic, the ineffable with the reasonable, two fundamentally different ways of looking at and explaining the world by Western philosophers since the days of Plato and Aristotle, Kai said the book had been criticized for having done neither too well, though personally he still thought Tugendhat's arguments have merits and the book deserves credit for the efforts he puts in.

Mario agreed there are holes and loose ends in this "I-sayer" theory of Tugendhat's. For example, it was criticized heavily by German Christian community for its summary dismissal of monotheist religions (such as Judaism and Christianity) as purely contractual giver-taker relationships between God and the believers, ignoring the Western mystical traditions within the church; Does the "I-sayer" theory hold true for people whose language has radically different linguistic characteristics, e.g., with no personal pronouns? Is the peace of mind the ultimate goal of life?... etc.

Gustav, the guy I met a couple years ago through some business encounter and was a PhD graduate from the university, chimed in to clarify what he thought the book misleads about Buddhism's view on suffering and ways to be relieved from it: Buddhism is not an escapism from suffering, he said, but rather a practice to go right into it to eliminate it!

The question I raised, on the other hand, was regarding the "universal love" Tugendhat claims this rational mysticism would lead to. How could that happen? I looked through the chapters I had at hand and could only surmise that by stepping back and seeing one's self and others' as one, one would want others to be good as one wants oneself to be good. Also, from this passage on the book: "Where else would such kindheartedness...come from? It is not a genuinely moral concept; nor is kindheartedness to be understood as a genetic disposition. If some people give the impression that they possess kindheartedness 'by nature,' this apparent naturalness arises rather from the fact that the possibility of cultivating a mystical outlook—by stepping back from oneself—is rooted in the natural structure of I-sayers," I thought Tugendhat believes there is a built-in tendency to be a mystic in every human being.

Kathleen, the professor emerita from Pennsylvania I met first, contemplated on the dialogue form of discussion that ancient philosophers, most famously Plato and Socrates, had taken while searching for truths. "Could that be somehow called a 'kindheartedness relationship' as well?... Take us, as an example... two days ago we were all strangers to each other, but now after these discussions and exchanges, we kind of create a bonding, and the dialogue may continue on after we part from each other... Maybe mystics are people who continue to dialogue..." I really liked her way of thinking and saying it!

​

Time went by swiftly as we dialogued on, and we had to wrap up our meeting a few minutes ahead of schedule as Mario had to leave for the airport for his flight home to Macau, and I, too, for my flight back to California. I had a few words with my friend Gustav, thanking him for posting the event on his Facebook page so I got to come to such an interesting event, then a few words with Kathleen, saying I quite enjoyed her talk and got a business card from her and bid farewell to each other and went on our separate ways...

​

two lakes and a mountain

A three and a half hour flight took us from Taipei to an obscure little town in rural Japan northeast... and we saw

two lakes and a mountain

That obscure little town we landed on was located in the largest but least populated county of Japan, with a 6500-foot-tall snow capped volcano mountain nicknamed "Mt. Fuji of northeast Japan", that could hardly escape our sight while we toured around it and two neighboring counties over the next few days.

​

​A big deep crater lake to its south glittered and glimmered with a golden lady statue under the cold and haughty skies; another, far to the north on a lower terrain, was calm and classy against canopy blue, approachable and multi-faceted as we strolled around it.

stream for hike and stream for ride

Out of that calm and classy lake flew a quiet little creek, crossing a maple woodland, chaperoned by a miles long hiking trail and a few splattering water falls on its sides; then there was this other peaceful river that we floated on, in a straw-lined gondola, gliding past its ragged rock walls and drooping tree vines, listening to the operatic Japanese folk song singing by the gondola handler...

 ​

​
​two old railways 

Led us through the rural farm lands for its season changing landscapes that happened to be brown and languid at this time of the year; some serendipitous catch of random scenes of beauty along the bus routes more than made up for the lackluster views from the trains, however.

   

​

​one great snow wall

You may have heard a weatherman forecasting a severe winter storm that might bring a "3 feet snow fall" with it, but did you ever see a wall of 15 foot tall snow piled up along the side of the road, on both sides, stretching for miles? That's what we did when our bus drove through the mountain range around Mt. Fuji of the northeast in one sunny afternoon!

​​temples, castles, and samurai homes

A millennium year old temple housed a gold plated altar for Buddha and four generations of the regional warlords of old time Japan; one of the 12 remaining grand castles of Japan was setting up to be the fairground for the coming yearly cherry blossom festival; a grand samurai mansion is now an open museum that hosts not only samurai swords and costumes, but phonographs and anatomic paintings that evidence the westernization of Japan in the late 19th century.

  

​hotels and onsens

All the three hotels we stayed in featured traditional Japanese style rooms, with tatami mats and low tea tables, and indoor and outdoor hot spring ("onsen", as the Japanese call it) bath chambers. The hot springs came from natural sources but smelled no sulfuric odor and looked crystal clear clean. I took the "hot soup" dip every early morning for the first two days, then in the evening also for the last two days once I got addicted to it! 

​food, people, and shop 'til you drop

Exquisite Japanese food, be it pre-arranged on a set plate or self-picked from the hotel buffet trolley, gave great satisfactory taste without stuffy feel, and was healthier than western diets, in my opinion, notwithstanding the fact I gained a few pounds after the trip.

We went with a group of 34 and knew a few of them at the end of this 5-day-short tour, like this one guy who might well be a tour guide himself explaining to us which six counties constitute the Japan northeast; another, owner of a flower arranging business, on how to tell different cherry trees apart by looking at the shapes and forms of their flowering buds...

And there were these two ladies, cousins between themselves, one a beauty salon owner the other a project manager at a major business software company, took every opportunity to shop--at the mall, the drug store, the super market, etc., and even had some items they ordered online before the tour ship to the hotel for themselves to pick up and carry home... They were so overloaded with the stuff they bought my kind-hearted wife offered them some of our airline check-in quota so they wouldn't get charged for the excessive luggage they needed to get on board!

Great food, beautiful scenery, convenient transportation, friendly Japanese, quality services, value shopping... I am now beginning to understand why so many Taiwanese love traveling to Japan so much so often!

* For more photos and chronological notes for the tour:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10216141058624356.1073741855.1387569224&type=1&l=0e483efbb9

* For the drive through snow walls:

https://youtu.be/9V6hidSTOJU

quanta quanta

Quantum mechanics has been a "weird science" to me since my college days, when as Electrical Engineering major we were required to study it as part of our "modern physics" curriculum, the theoretic foundation for semiconductor electronics that makes up the backbone of the digital technologies today.

Weird as they seem, the following "quantum phenomena", in layman's terms, have been widely observed and lab proven to be as true and indisputable as ever:

Quantum Duality: An object can behave like a particle or like a wave

Quantum Uncertainty: An object's exact location and/or movement can only be measured up to a certain accuracy

Quantum Superposition: An object can be both here and there, or anywhere; a "wave function" can only be used to predict how likely it might appear somewhere 

Quantum Entanglement: Two objects' states can be somehow related or complementary to each other even though they are spatially separated 

Non-locality: Objects can have instantaneous communication without any exchange of signals through space-time

De-coherence: An object can lose its superposition ambiguity and "collapse" into a specific time and space of the "classic" world

Also, instead of the "two physics" scenario that uses classic (Newtonian) physics to describe the macro world we encounter in our everyday life, and quantum physics for the sub-atomic, micro world where photons and electrons behave, more people nowadays agree that the latter--quantum physics--is the single physics that can describe both the macro and micro worlds in one comprehensive theory. 

Which means, for example, even the moon is a quantum object; it's just so massive that its quantum uncertainty and wave property become so minuscule and negligible that we can treat it like a classical object, just like we can look at the area around us and think it's flat even though we know the Earth as a whole is round.  

Now, the million dollar question, "What causes a quantum object to de-cohere, to shake off its quantum ambiguity and pop into a classic-world being?"

The "observation" does it, experiments say.

What is an "observation"?

It's a measurement by one or a few physical apparatuses such as photon splitting mirror, detecting screen, etc., that is eventually observed by the perceiving mind of a human being.

So a human mind is involved with the behavior of the last, tiniest pieces of matter of the world, when it all comes down to it?!

Western philosophers and metaphysical and ontological thinkers--people who have been pondering on the issues of what the universe is made of, the nature of things, the human conditions--have long adopted a dualistic view that treats mind and matter, soul and body, as two separate entities; or a monistic but materialistic view that sees the mind as the epiphenomenon--the emergent phenomenon or derived effect--of the matter, especially since the Enlightenment times and along with the development of modern sciences.

But what if it's the other way around, that mind is the real thing, and matter is the derivative or the emergent phenomenon of it?

Imagine one unitive, omnipresent consciousness, roaming in a quantum universe, drawn and exercised by every sentient being, to knock the ever-so-elusive quantum objects it pays attention to into concrete, material existence... 

And since all sentient beings share one unitive consciousness, once an object is materialized by your consciousness it is perceived similarly by me as well (so you won't see a dead cat while I see it as alive); and collectively our consciousness forms some universal psyches, or the so-called "unconscious archetypes" suggested by Carl Jung.

The consciousness has absolute latitude in choosing what state to crash things into existence (thus our free will), but such choosing takes active efforts (awareness, contemplation) to execute, and due to our inertia or myriad of previous choices we made in similar situations we keep in our mental store, we tend to instantiate the "old and true" ways of thinking and live life as one routine after another.

However, once in a while, a brisk, eruptive "quantum jump" of our conscious choice triggers a creative thinking that gives rise to our aha moments in life!

Paranormal experiences, such as telepathy, distant viewing, extra sensory perception (ESP), etc., could be instances where the non-local (transcending space-time) communication between entangled parties is at work.

Far fetched? All these just another fancy way of explaining many phenomena we observe in the world--another "poetic naturalism" talk, except this time it tells the story from the mind's vantage point instead of the matter's, like the naturalists usually do?

It might well be. But as a sentient being myself, I must say I hold an inborn bias that rather gives the mind an upper hand over the matter, than the other way around 

And have you heard of the "quantum computers" companies like Google and IBM are building? They make use of the multi-possibilities of the superposition state of the "quantum bits" to do super fast parallel processing, and the non-local communication between entangled secret keys to create unbreachable encryptions!

Even in the field of psychological study, they find some quantum truth in human behavior. "The making of a decision collapses a thought wave into a particle," according to Jerome Busemeyer and Peter Bruza’s book "Quantum Models of Cognition and Decision". "The wave nature of an indefinite state captures the psychological experience of conflict, ambiguity, confusion, and uncertainty; the particle nature of a definite state captures the psychological experience of conflict resolution, decision, and certainty," they write.  

So, for example, if I’m telling a friend about a "Man of the Year" award I am about to receive, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, if he asks me “Are you nervous?” that might get me thinking about all the reasons I should be nervous. I might not have been nervous before he asked me, but after the question, my answer might become, “Well, I am now!”

You might know nothing about quantum physics before, but you do now 

tour de taiwan

I got this idea of cycling through Taiwan years ago when I first heard people were doing it... the roads were good, the reach was not too far, the places were safe and familiar… why not?

So when I heard a guy of my age was doing it for a good cause and for his 60th birthday last December, I decided it’s “now or never”, time to “shut up or sign up”, and did the latter with a “Tour de Taiwan” organized by Giant, the world-renowned bicycle manufacturer from Taiwan who’s been promoting and orchestrating events like this for years.

Here is the journal of my 9-day journey with the tour:

Day 1

The meet and start point was at a train station towards eastern side of Taipei, so it took us--40 riders, 6 crew members, 2 minivans--a while to navigate southwest out of the city, after getting our bikes and helmets and a brief instruction (there was a full pre-tour Q&A session the day before) from Giant.

Two major uphill climbs leaving Taipei basin served as the prep-up runs for the tour to come, I supposed, and I went through them with... huffing and puffing... but no more and no less ghastly than many of this mostly younger looking crowd around me.

I struck conversations with two fellow riders at a rest stop: Stewart was a 31-year-old from Hong Kong, biked every day after work and brought his own gear for the tour; Quinn, 51, was an LA born Chinese American who actually grew up right up my alley in south Orange County--a Dana High graduate (his parents still live in Laguna Niguel), and had worked and lived in Tokyo and Beijing and Shanghai for the past 20 years before recently moving back to Taipei with his Taiwanese wife.

​
We pedaled for 93 km to reach our first destination city Hsinchu in mid-north Taiwan in the evening. I took a stroll to a famous local night market for delicious Taiwanese “small-eats” for dinner and turned in bed early.

Day 2

The start of our west coast ride came with light rain and chilly wind, but the roads were level and no climbing was required except for a few bridges along the way.

Some haphazard mighty winds, however, could sweep up unexpectedly and one of them might have contributed to the fall of my newly acquainted companion Stewart and his bike when they were crossing an open intersection. He hurt his bones during the fall and after a hospital checkup had to be sent home, alas.

According to the route plans, our rest stop could take place after a short 7 km or a long 20 km run. At each rest stop, the minivan that also carried our light luggages would open up its back gate and offer unlimited supply of snacks and fruits and supplements, besides water. You could actually gain weight through the tour if you were not careful watching what you took in all the time, they said.

Day 3

A calm and easy ride on the west coast plain. I began to appreciate the serene beauty of some tree-lined unknown little towns we passed through that I probably wouldn’t even know exist were I not on a cycling tour like this.

But the highlight of the day was the crossing of the Muddy River (濁水溪), the longest and widest river in central Taiwan. We took photos at the river bed after the crossing, and had lunch at the legendary town 西螺 nearby that was known for its produce and folklore heroes.

​​
We reached Jiayi 嘉義 at dusk, the city me and my wife visited with my college friend two years ago where we had its famous “chicken bowl” (雞肉飯) local cuisine special at a famous eatery. This time I went with two fellow riders, both high school teachers, for another chicken bowl place, and a tofu pudding stand, following the tips they got through their Google search.

Day 4

The weather was cooperating, the skies were cloudy but dropped no rain, showing occasional rays of sunshine even. I put some sun screen on my face as I began to notice the shade lines between my cheeks and sunglasses covered eye sockets.

We had a nice lunch stop at Tainan, the political and cultural center of old time Taiwan. Heading south into its modern day big brother metropolitan Kaohsiung, I experienced some allergic reactions--teary eyes and sneezing nose, either due to the sun screen sweating into my eyes or the pollutants coming from the air, riding through this heavily industrial region of south Taiwan.

​

Fatigue fell on me when we reached the hotel. It was a long 130 km ride, after all. One 20-year-young man pulled his leg muscle, and a woman aggravated her knee, both had to be put in the van for a ride that they could no longer do on their own.

Day 5

A surprise sunny morning accompanied our way out of Kaohsiung City, this southern behemoth not only had grown grander and fancier since the time I was stationed here for my military service decades ago, but also featured a nice design bike path network, might be worth visiting again sometime in the future.

As we traveled around different towns, Giant had tried to arrange local specialty cuisine or delicacies for lunch or as extra treats at rest stops to enhance our overall tour experiences. Today, for example, we had a yummy shaved ice bowl at a rest stop at Chaozhou 潮州, and a juicy “tea pot chicken” (茶壺雞) dish for lunch at Fangliao 枋寮, after leaving Kaohsiung and entering Pingdong 屏東 county.

​
The afternoon ride along Pingdong coast was scenic and uneventful, if not for a young woman falling from her bike and had to be taken to the hospital for exams.

​
We reached Hengchun 恆春, the very southern tip of Taiwan at dusk, after logging 103 km for the day.

Day 6

We got our first taste of the east coast seasonal wind as the road turned northeast, into the mountainous region, roaming ever deeper and steeper, through a dam and a village, culminated with a continuous 2 km climb and more, reaching the 450 meter summit that was the high point of the tour. Then a non-stop 12 km descent, a series of up/downs on a treacherous coastal highway, and another 2 km climb before we reached the hotel at the end of the day.

​
Feeling totally exhausted!

Day 7

Body was still aching from yesterday’s atrocious ride, but felt energized again after a few km ride in the morning. The road was not as undulated as yesterday, but the seasonal wind had become an averse factor, dragging you down if you didn’t pedal harder.

With a group size of 40, it’s easy to be segregated into subgroups as it proceeded. Though I mostly stayed within the leading group of 10 to 20 riders, at times I found myself the forerunner of a 3 or 4 rider pack, or riding all by myself when the formation was stretched far out.

Being in a large group might require constant jostling of positions with others, and being a leader of a group put extra pressure on you trying to keep up the pace and watching out road conditions for others. The sweet spot position probably was being the 3rd or the 4th rider in a small group, where you just pedaled and turned as your predecessors did, and got the extra benefit of their bodies shielding the wayward winds for you, as aerodynamic studies would tell you.

Or being a solitude rider, with no one in front or behind, you could slow it down or speed it up, turn your head and see the scenery around, sing a song and nobody else would hear you!

You might also chat with your fellow riders (though discouraged by the crew for safety reasons), like I did with Quinn about our common Japan experiences, SoCal, China, Trump, his unique dieting methodology that made him 15 kg lighter in 2 months... and others who had rich geographic and historic knowledge about the places we just passed by...

We crossed the Northern Tropic Line (a white mark in front of a town police station) that we did 4 days ago when heading south on the other side of the island, back to the subtropical region of Taiwan again.

​
Day 8

A cold, rainy 70 km ride in the morning muddied up the bike, helmet, jacket… all over, but a smooth and expedient run nonetheless.

I hadn’t blown my tire during the tour so far, but many did. The proficiency and efficiency of the mechanic crew was impressive: I once saw these young men replace a blown tire in less than 10 seconds right off the road, and repair 6 blown tires in 3 minutes at a rest stop today.

After lunch, we boarded a train, along with our bikes, to our next destination at northeastern Taiwan, skipping the notorious coastal highway that connects the east and the northeastern part of Taiwan that was deemed too dangerous to ride under current weather condition.

Day 9

The long predicted cold front finally arrived, in full force, for our coming home ride. Pelting rain coupled with gusty wind and freezing cold made this meandering run from northeastern plain through the coast through the tunnels through the hills a hellish ordeal instead of a scenic ride had it been weather of another kind!

I regretted not bringing wet protecting pants to wear and felt buck naked from waist down, with the rain and the cold encroaching and chilling all the way to my bones. But some who did wear rain protection suit told me it’s of not much use anyway. We all just had to brave it through and soldier on, for 100 km, until that familiar train station building we left some 9 days ago finally appeared!

Then elation, followed by a quick certificates awarding ceremony, then an even quicker scramble to Home Warm Home!!

For more photos and details of the tour, go to

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10215524142481838.1073741854.1387569224&type=1&l=f86038cef5

I found these rallying songs they played at morning start and rest stops quite enjoyable, you might like them too:

https://youtu.be/iRuWMQZB7wA

https://youtu.be/9COP51fgWMY

https://youtu.be/DMay9EX7J50

artificial intelligence

Now here comes a toy that uses AI to create emotional bonding with kids: It chuckles when it wins the game it is playing with the kid, and shows frustration when it loses, to the extent the kid feels like not wanting to "hurt the toy's feelings" any more.

People nowadays are so concerned about AI taking over the world and making it an inhumane, soulless society, but I think a little AI in everyday life can actually help move a long way towards a kinder and gentler world for us.

Say I have a personal AI assistant who, through the data I feed it (books I read, things I do, people I deal with, 24/7, actively and passively), knows what kind of person I am and how I would react to things and people. Combine that with the "artificial wisdom" that comes from big data analysis on human psyche and its operating principles, it can suggest me ways to express my thoughts and feelings that are not only intellectually accurate but emotionally appropriate to others.

Thus, for example, when reposting something on my social media, I (with my AI assistant's help) will put some words describing what triggers me to repost this video or message, what in it touches me that I feel like sharing with others, etc., so I am not a human acting like a machine--mindlessly redistributing things like a dumb relay, but a human behaving human like, with the help of a machine.

"Use machine, don't think or act like one," that's what I would like to say. But if we are too lazy to think for ourselves and have to outsource it to the machine, let's at least keep the appearance that we are in control 

Plus, as the saying goes: "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," we live in an era of such information overflow that it's not what that extra piece of info you have to tell, but why you want to tell it, that carries the emotional goodies people want to know.

Emotion can be a skin deep thing, though. We all can fake a smile, can't we? But if you fake it well enough, even just marginally well, people will still take it at its "face value" and it will achieve the effect it sets out to achieve. 

So, for example, when I am old and disabled, I would be happy to be assisted by a robot who would not only be physically (mechanically) capable of moving, caring me around, but more importantly, always wearing a big smile--even if it's on a big LED display, than be taken care of by a real person who's always in a sullen mood due to the physical and emotional stress that's understandably burdening him or her all the time.

"The hardest part of giving care to parents is showing them happy faces" (事父母，色難), even Confucius knew that 2500 years ago. An AI-equipped android with a smiley face and pertinent, kind utterances can easily take care of that.

What are the virtuous traits that we humans are proud of, and can we program them into machines so with their superior IQ and EQ they can manifest them even better than us? 

Seems plausible. For example, if the ultimate goal of human life is to serve others, as many would say, we can somehow instill that golden rule into the machine's deep learning mind and let it figure out ways to achieve that goal.

From there it could manifest the "brave" behavior of "sacrificing" itself for the good of humankind, if after its big data analysis and super powerful calculation it concluded that's the optimum way to achieve the greatest good for the greatest majority under the prevailing conditions. 

There would be no exhibition of negative traits such as fear, indecision, jealousy, etc., since every behavior would be based on self-learned rules and best outcome calculation.

If a machine can walk like a man, talk like a man, and behave like a saint, what would you call it?

And what does that leave us with this thing called humanity, things that we can still be proud of that only humans can do but machines can never emulate or do better?

Maybe some things like:

Against all odds, we can still summon up the guts to do what we feel is the right thing to do, even though our limited faculty can never gather enough data or be acute enough to assure us what the outcome will be; 

That we can still manage a genuine smile to others even though we are under tremendous physical and mental stress; 

That we can strive our life "for the glory of God", a mysterious unknown, joyfully and willingly.

Merry Christmas!

autumn fun

This is sequel to the online jostling I had with my college alum group earlier this summer, that led to one of the funnest alum reunions I had in years here in Taipei last week!

Sorry to my English-only friends again, the fun can only be picked up in Chinese. But with some narration notes I added, and the few English words and phrases and images scattered between, and a pinch of wild imagination of your own, maybe you can pick up some of the fun your own way 

 

前文提要：

本系旅居南加州的傑出校友盧X國同學（別名 0.1）為同學們的 "第二春" 幸福而苦心打造經營的 "北美回春院" 近來財務拮据，需款孔急；在台同學兼好友伍X綱見義勇為，出面與適逢返台，向有助人美名的翁（X宏）員外策劃舉辦 "北美回春院台灣區酬賓募款餐會"， 在群組中發表：

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

據聞盧院長對小弟在台收會費遲遲未有進展ㄧ事 頗有微詞。近日秘派翁員外返台 嚴令他不擇手段加強催討。欲知詳情 請來參加小聚 他將會說明 另聽說參加者會費可打折，餐會中並有：「禁斷的清津海峽之戀」真相說明節目

時間 11/25 周六中午12時

餐廳：再通知(台北市）

參加人員：

翁朝宏

伍永綱

李文彬

施河東

David 翁朝宏：

感謝同學們的熱情，上回我們回春院的網路 fund raiser 超級成功，同學們繳納會費的承諾成千上萬，讓我跟盧院長的眼淚都忍不住掉下來

但也許同學們貴人多忘事，至今回春院帳戶收到的款項跟同學們承諾的還頗有差距；再則我們也理解現今駭客猖狂，大家對網路交易仍頗具戒心，因此院長與我參商之後，決定派我來台，與在地伍大樁腳協力舉辦北美回春院台灣區酬賓募款餐會，如此同學們可以將會款面呈給大家都信得過的 honest Wong 員外，百分之百去除網路詐欺疑慮，也幫大家完成心頭的一樁大事！

餐會的日期已定：11/25週六中午，請各位同學早日將該日期時間圈定下來，到時踴躍出席。參加餐會的目的，除了繳納您一直想繳但一直忘了繳的會費外，還可以藉機與多年不見的老同學聯誼，並可以討論一些有趣但很無意義的話題，比如說盧院長已指示過的關於xxx是否出櫃的謎題。

另外，依我之見，大家也可以討論組織一個北美回春院訪問團，到南加實際體驗盧院長精心經營的回春院多項設施與服務(團費若跟我預購有五折優待）；還有是否可以在台灣成立一個回春院分院，廣披盧院長造福同學的理念（伍X綱你若要我幫你在盧院長面前美言幾句內定你為首任會長可私賴給我談條件)...

Looking forward to seeing everyone!

"人生有如蘋果派

  我愛派誰誰就派

  寄語（伍）大郎及（翁）員外

  莫讓春院無銀空澎湃"

--盧院長臨行贈言

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

就怕去南加考察時，回春院已人去樓空 只剩下一些吃剩的蘋果派

David 翁朝宏：

所以要去要趁早，現在就跟我預付團費的話有三折優待

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

翁兄如此積極 業績一定會是小弟的數倍! 佩服

David 翁朝宏：

哪裡哪裡，你美言我幾句，我也就美言你幾句

0.1：

想想這錢還是自己來收比較好， 不是信不過員外大郎， 而是拿了同學們的血汗錢， 理當要親自道謝才是。

時間 11/25 周六中午12時

餐廳：再通知(台北市）

參加人員：

翁朝宏

伍永綱

李文彬

施河東

盧偉國

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

熱烈歡迎盧院長蒞臨指導！

0.1：

我周三清晨到， 周六下午五點就搭機返美。 行程匆匆， 本不想打擾同學們。

rsjeng鄭雙徽：

0.1都從米國來了，我從高雄上去算什麼，加我一個

東森：

11/25的聚會，我也會參加

我來安排，聯絡朝桂餐廳

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

這次輪到我來買單

不過餐廳還未決定 或可參考朝桂 我沒去過 再請教你

東森：

伍兄別急，我因為多年會費忘了繳納，這次就充當會費了

David 翁朝宏：

哇，太感動了

(@0.1，考慮內定東森為台灣分會長）

0.1:

(當然)

The attendee list started to grow:

為熱烈歡迎並配合回春院長回台行程，原訂聚會改為11/24(週五)晚上PM18:00，地點訂朝桂餐廳(在敦化南路，靠忠孝東路)，請陸續接龍報名于下;

翁朝宏

伍永綱

李文彬

施河東

盧偉國

鄭雙徽

鄭東森

張瑞雄

賴弦五

雷少民

郭宇泰

王暉

謝思謙                                                                                 

陳勤南

周敏祥

賴飛羆

林聰明

陳靜 

郭東鷹

阮俊杰

許俊岳

孫洪法

But some started arguing and questioning the murky nature of 回春院's finance, to that 0.1 responded he had previously sent a copy of 回春院's bookkeeping to the head of the chat group... to that the head of the chat group denied...  

David 翁朝宏：

這幾天看到群組裡沸沸揚揚，同學們為即將到臨的回春院酬賓募款餐會時而竊竊私語，時而議論紛紛，熱烈期待之情，溢於言表。有道是盧院長夙行良好，不出則以，一出則近悅遠來，不止蓬萊寶島"聰明""俊傑"往來"弘法"，就連北加美女也"靜"極思動，"東鷹"也展翅西翔，"文彬"之士也莫名亢奮，與近日美國川普大帝亞洲行相比，有過之而無不及，讓我也激動不能自已

但同學們果真是貴人多忘事，殊不知回春院自立院以來即飽受國際詐騙集團超級駭客連番攻擊之苦，精明如我翁員外即多番繳納兩百五給俄羅斯，奈及利亞無厘頭帳戶，想必眾多同學亦有如是經驗。是以回春院連年空等同學們的進帳無着落，何來會款繳納記錄冊？

盧院長也是貴人，也多忘事，您所謂的會款帳目紀錄，會不會是我們上回網路募款 (fund raiser) 收到同學們成千上萬的承諾 (pledge) 紀錄？您這幾天晚上睡覺前多吃點銀杏，努力看是否回想起那成千上萬的會款承諾與同學們的姓名連等號，您若想不起來的我會幫你想起來，同學們若想不起來的我們會幫他們想起來，餐會上幫大家了卻這樁多年跨洋懸案

念由心轉，其實同學們又何必汲汲於計較您是否曾經繳過會款或曾承諾過千千萬萬，何不就從即日起，立志重繳會費千千萬，建造你我的回春新樂園。西諺有云，"You get what you pay for"，同學們，想想看，您要的是這樣的一個回春院：

還是這樣的回春院：

 或者是拿這張圖片跟你的另一半爭取加碼也加入打造我們的溫馨夫妻回春營行列:

​See you soon!

But some still insisted 盧院長 had cheated money from them:

同學甲：

清算0.1，大家一起來

同學乙：

再過兩天看看微恙如何，再決定是否「大家一起來」「清算0.1」。

--夠冷了吧？

David 翁朝宏：

不寒而栗！

同學丙： 

@David 翁朝宏 唇亡齒寒？

David 翁朝宏：

@0.1 氣象特報：今年台北最冷的冬天，即將在11/24晚到臨，請院長多帶點冬衣來，免得受涼

但是也別太擔心，伍護法的愛與友情，將會帶給你足夠的溫暖

我的牙齒也不會打顫

(@Steve Wu 伍永綱， 好好表現，你的內定會長缺還是有希望的)

盧院長 fought back:

0.1：

七嘴八舌尬老朽

窮追猛打落水狗

臘月未至心已寒

西出洛城無益友

回春大院歴史久

振衰去病有一手

周五那個敢放肆

來日不治你九醜

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

在會長含淚（笑）開了最後一槍後，0.1沉默了幾天。現在回台前 又開始嘻笑怒罵 看似已找好對策 來面對同學們的質詢。但在我看當屬色厲內䇮 夜行吹口哨 自行壯膽之為。 另外 他的威脅也不會起任何作用 尤其是對沒有九醜的同學們

0.1：

(回春院董事會19日洛杉磯急電)

茲因某海外線民舉報 0.1 君代號荒謬 舉止異常 身份可疑 褲襠太垮 行事囂張 藐視群孺 廣結損友 不招人忌， 經董事會查證屬實， 已於日前解除其會長職務並由原副院長翁員外接任， 即日起該君與回春院一刀兩斷再無任何關連，特此公告。

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

你想的很美好 以為自導自演辭職 就可脫困？

0.1：

我不是辭職， 是被去職， 一定要在傷口上灑鹽嗎?

Steve Wu 伍永綱： 

辭職 去職 有差嗎？套一句Ben 的說法 辦得不好 就是罪人

就要被公審 還想坐在下面爽？！

同學丁： 

怎還不見新院長現身line發表感言？我看又是一樁 fake news

Steve Wu 伍永綱：

翁員外有參加董事會嗎？

0.1：

沒有， 但他是董事長女婿。

同學丁： 

哇！連丈人都扯進來了，真是錯縱複雜。

0.1：

不相信是丈人嗎? 驗 DNA 就知道。

新人新氣象， 懇請大家給新院長一個機會!

同學甲： 

磨刀霍霍，我正在計劃11/24的祭典如何安排，院長一定要很莊嚴的清算，才能下台

0.1：

I shall stand naked before my peers, able and ready

同學丙：

With you naked, Classmates will lose appetite and save a lot of money on food

David 翁朝宏：

哇，回春院 reality TV 越演越離奇，先有院長跨洋急電，繼而董事會疑雲，DNA測試，裸體應審... 劇情比韓劇還稀奇詭異，比機器人倒翻跟斗更不可思議

但盧院長坦然無懼，將穿著國王的新裝（the emperor has no clothes）慷慨赴宴，大戰群孺，如此超人膽識，豈是輕易請辭之徒，國際駭客的詐騙技倆，又再次在同學們叡智的眼光前被識破

回春劇場的完結篇，近在眉前，同學們，朝桂餐廳就在敦化南路，靠忠孝東路附近，離你家不遠，與其事後聽傳言，不如現場看實秀（因為網路廣播法的關係，現場有些國王新裝的畫面將無法直播），現在還有空位，報名從速

兩位準分會長候選人用心安排餐會節目，翁員外除了叫好並暗中建議盧院長對台灣分院採行雙首長制外，無所置喙，唯獨對“翁員外強收會費”一辭稍有意見。蓋翁員外向來行事敦厚，從無強人之心；而同學們熱情赴宴，早已心懷奉獻，更無強迫之理

為表明同學心志，並排除有心人士混跡場內，建議如下：

請同學們持券入場：

若您心目中的明日回春院願景如下圖（甲案），請將它列印後簽上你的大名，這樣表明您（的捐獻）就是兩百五（破鐵管，爛浴缸經環保回收也須花費）：

若您心目中的明日回春院願景如下圖（乙案），請將它列印後簽上你的大名，這樣表明您（的捐獻）就是兩個兩百五（=500）：

​若您心目中的明日回春院願景如下圖（丙案），請將它列印後簽上你的大名，這樣表明您（的捐獻）就是三個兩百五（=750）：

​入場券由伍護法審核收取，東森紀錄

此後回春院經費公開透明，營運進入新紀元，盧院長從0.1一躍而成2.0，萬象更新，同學們日日回春，日日春，世界更美好！

盧院長 arrived in Taipei, now holding a grudge/agenda against 翁員外

0.1：

早安，台北

David 翁朝宏：

歡迎院長本尊現身台北！

熱烈歡迎院長本尊現身台北！！

熱烈熱烈歡迎院長本尊現身台北！！！

0.1：

翁院長， 假話說三遍也不會成真的。

David 翁朝宏：

熱烈熱烈熱烈歡迎院長本尊現身台北！！！！

說第四遍就成真了

Now came the banquet of 11/24 evening:

No kidding: a grand sign with 回春院 name on it posted at the entrance of our private party room

All 24 of us, cheering and jeering, wining and dining, and a happy 60th birthday salutation to our great host 東森! All sins were forgiven, even though 盧院長 did not stand naked in front of us, as he had promised

And everyone received a little gift packet from the host

​Two special big ones and thank-you certificates to 盧院長 and the head of our alum group

​This is what I found inside my gift packet. You tell me what that is

Thus, 回春院 survived a tumultuous year, and shall thrive happily ever after... 

Until we need to do fund raiser for it again!