self

What would you say when people ask you to introduce yourself?

"My name is David, I live in South Orange County, I work in the IT industry..."

That's a macroscopic description of a self, a broad stroke. What's the microscopic version of it? David Hume (Scottish Enlightenment philosopher, 1711-1776) had this reflection: "When I enter most intimately into what I call myself, I always stumble on some particular perception or other, of heat or cold, light or shade, love or hatred, pain or pleasure... a bundle or collection of different perceptions, which succeed each other with an inconceivable rapidity, and are in a perpetual flux and movement..." — An ephemeral, transient entity orienting and changing from moment to moment, yet always identifiable as the same by the outside world, through exterior markers such as looks, gender, age, profession, cultural background, social groupings, consuming habits, etc.

Sometimes the outside world uses these identifiables to exert their efforts on you, like Google or Facebook showing ads for things they think "people like you" will buy, Netflix giving you a list of movies and series they think you'll like to watch based on what they know you have watched. Sometimes you pick these identifiables yourself for your own purpose, to join a social club, to get a senior discount, to play identity politics, for example.

But you are more than these shallow labels of identities say who you are, aren't you? What is my "true self," you ask.

According to Freud's personality theory, there are three parts of self: the id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives and hidden memories, the super-ego operates as a moral conscience, and the ego is the realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super-ego. These three amigos–the impulsive, the ideal, and the rational–together work and form your psychological self, says the Master.

Kierkegaard, the Danish Christian "proto-Existentialist'', sees it differently. To him, there are only two parts of self: the one you are (physically, emotionally, socially, culturally...) at any given point in time, and the one you can or should be. It is up to us to exercise our freewill to work from the former–the finite, the temporal, to the latter–the infinite, the eternal–that is our true self, submitting to and enlisting help from the divine along the way.

American education system places great emphasis on developing a sense of self-esteem in children, and ours is surely one of the most–if not the most–capitalist driven individualistic countries in the world. Yet we are no less trend following, group mentality people than the rest of the world. The interesting text-book example of "everyone in a party worries about how others see them that no one actually sees anyone else but themselves" exposes one simple truth about human nature, that no matter how much self-worthy feel we have built up around ourselves, we still crave for other people's recognition and appreciation deep down. 

And even though we all understand and accept the fact that people are selfish, no one likes to be called that name. Given the opportunity and the wherewithal, people all want to do good for others, sometimes at the risk of sacrificing their own lives even. Altruism might have snuck into our "selfish gene" eons ago when no one noticed.

Yes I know my body and mind have changed many folds since I was a kid, and there are a thousand things running through my mind at any instant of time, but somehow I still feel I am that same 7-year-old boy lying on the ground watching over the skies wondering what the world was all about decades ago. I like Netflix giving me a list of movie recommendations as they are usually not off the mark too much, but I dislike the idea that filters like what they use to do so have the potential of molding me into a one-dimensional person I hate to be. And yes I know I am unique and I am special, but I still think I am way more the same as the fellow next to me than we are different from each other as human beings. Self-esteem is over-hyped.