why did the chicken cross the road

I came upon this old funny piece I kept from a previous presidential campaign season and find it entertaining still. I spruce it up a little and add a few new ones of my own to bring it up to date:

Barack Obama:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

John McCain:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road!

Hillary Clinton:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

Dr. Phil:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Oprah:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

George W. Bush:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

John Kerry:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Nancy Grace:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die in the rain. Alone.

Aristotle:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Albert Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Ted Cruz:
I opposed CCR (Chicken Crossing the Road) and have always opposed CCR. 

Bernie Sanders:
It's a disgrace that 1 percent of the cells of the chicken's beautiful brain misled the rest of its body to get on this perilous, disastrous path of no return!

Donald Trump:
Why did the chicken cross the road? Let me tell you why: It is because there was no coop to hem it in! We are going to build a coop, a tall, strong, beautiful coop, and the people on the other side of the road are going to pay for it, and you bet the coop will be manufactured in the USA!!