These were subjects covered by a 4-day "human relationship build-up" course I went to at a retreat center in suburban Taipei last week. It's a workshop-like course that stressed on hands-on practice besides teaching the "love" principle behind all these "techniques":
When listening, try all you can to put yourself in the other's shoes, without being condescending or judgmental or playing Mr. know-it-all, then rephrase what you hear with preambles such as "It sounds like..." "So you think..." "From what I hear...", ending with "Is that right?", to make sure you understand what they say accurately and more importantly to assure them that you do feel for them. "Empathy" is the word.
When you want to exercise "by golly somebody has to tell him/her the truth", remember it's the "truth" you must tell, not your own brand of justice or tantrum you want to throw at their expenses. And try to use the "I" statements to describe your honest feelings rather than accuse others of some sinister motivations you imagine they possess.
"New" doesn't necessarily mean "better", just something chronologically later than the earlier ones. When we say an antique looks "as new as it was a thousand years ago", we actually are praising the fact that it is in as good a condition as when it was first created. To keep or to revert back to the original goodness my heart was in, I need to check my thoughts (are they objective, double standard...), kick my psychotic trappings (escapism, perfectionism, victim mentality...), know my limitations (what I can do, what I cannot do...), and observe if any spiritual fruits are coming out of this.
Conflicts are a natural part of human relationships. Facing it and trying to resolve it can actually help us grow. To do so, empathize with your "enemy", explain your needs and desires honestly, keep your cool, and look all angles before coming up with a maximum possible common good solution for all. Mutual respect and understanding are thus earned and gained during the process, and all are winners already for that reason alone.
These were lessons taught and organized by Prof. Tsai Ren-Song (蔡仁松) and his wife and their ministry (佳美生命建造協會 Wonderful Life Ministries, www.wlmtw.org) in Taiwan. Prof. Tsai is a college friend of mine, who, after getting his PhD. degree at UC Berkeley and a couple of successful high-tech start-up ventures in Silicon Valley, went on to study theology at Fuller Theological Seminary and got a Master's degree there and became a "layman" pastor since. He has been a well liked and respected professor at Tsing Hua University and conducting this biblical principled human relationship betterment course with his wife since they came back to Taiwan 10 years ago, among other things.
I must admit I didn't plan on going through such intensive 4-day "boot camp" when I signed up for it a couple weeks ago. I was in fact lured by the swimming pool and gymnasium I saw at the website of the training center that came with the course info, that I thought I'd just come and see what's going on that Prof. Tsai has been doing for the last 10 years and relax and work out while I've got time to. It turned out I'd never got the time for those.
But it's a smooth sailing 4 days. Not only did I learn something useful, I got to hear some touching, personal stories, especially from Prof. Tsai's wife, about how they walked this long but joy-filled journey together throughout the years, spreading God's word in the most practical and realistic way they know how, helping people one heart at a time, humble and grand.
God bless Prof. Tsai, his wife, and the ministry!
Prof. Tsai is the 3rd from the left sitting at the front, his wife to his left in blue. All students except me and one couple are pastors or co-workers from churches and ministries all over Taiwan.
See what the clock says: 6 PM. We got one hour break for dinner after that, then the class resumed at 7 PM, lasted until 9 PM. It started at 8 in the morning.
This shows I didn't play hooky at all for four full days
