One evening at a small group gathering, a mother shared with us that she was giving advice to her two college age sons, that one key personality trait to look for when seeking their future soulmate should be "unselfishness," and one of her kids responded, "but Mom, that would be very difficult..".. "Do you know, we are taught to be selfish in this society."
That's quite a profound statement from a quite young man. I was impressed.
It's easy to say that we live in the most self-gratifying, narcissistic society in human history--just look at all the "you deserve it" ads, be it a new car, a vacation, or a tasty food.. you'd wonder how we constantly battle this commercial-industrial beast that keeps luring us to go out and consume things it makes "for our own good.."
Rather than calling people "selfish," I'll say people are "self-conscious," or "self-centered" by nature. This explains why we feel shy, get embarrassed, or here's an interesting psycho analysis piece I once heard: "In a social gathering where everyone is new, you nervously think everyone else is watching what you say or do, but the truth of the matter is everyone else is all so concerned about what others think of them that the only person who really cares about what you say or do is yourself."
In that light, people are actually cute exactly because they are so self-centered.
Another observation:
We all like to be complimented, yet we all dare not--or nobody in their right mind would--compliment ourselves. The compliments have to come from others, and they'd better be genuine, otherwise we won't be real happy either.
It seems after so much touted "self-esteem" education, we still long for every bit of recognition and appreciation from our fellow men and women.
Truth be told, by the same nature that we are made to be selfish, we are also made to need one another--for the need of getting appreciation from others, and the need of sharing what we have with others--to make us feel more complete. I remember the documentary movie "Into the Wild" where the young, idealistic lone man traveled all over the country searching for true living but ended up losing his life tragically in the Alaskan wild, wrote down on his notebook the final truth he realized: "Happiness real only when shared."
Now I can vaguely remember, when I was little, the thought of living all by myself scared me to death--what a sad, lonely state that would be. I also remember I was disturbed when I first saw the sentence "everybody feels lonely sometimes," because it sounded so sad to me.
But now I don't have those feelings any more--not only can I live and work by myself well, I can even say, as many others do, that I enjoy my time alone quite much.
Sign of maturity, maybe. But, deep down inside, I still wonder if this is a learned temperament molded by the strictures of the environments I went through life with.
I also recall this saying: "One needs to find his true self first, so he can then voluntarily give it up, and work for the greater good."
I agree with that, except I think sometimes it's really hard to separate the process of finding one's true self from the process of working for the greater good. As a matter of fact, I am almost positive that one needs to have that greater good identified first before he can go out and find his true little self.
Years ago there was a popular song titled "The Greatest Love of All." The lyrics talks about searching for a hero/role model since childhood but couldn't find one, until finally she realizes she has to depend on herself alone and, "The greatest love of all.. is easy to achieve.. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all." This is in line with the mainstream mottoes "You are the greatest," "You can be anything you want to be," so prevalent in our society they sound like commercial sound bites. Not that such motivational jingles are totally wrong per se, but I just wonder one day when the kids find out that deep down they are not that great, that they just cannot always be what they want to be, no matter how hard they try, do they have a fallback plan? i.e., do they have something bigger than themselves they can admit their limitations to and draw new strength from?
I think that young man mentioned at the beginning of this writing could have.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
city run
The city I live in, Laguna Hills, holds a yearly half-marathon and 5K run event on Memorial Day weekend over the past 10 years. I thought about participating in it a few times but never did. I finally did it this year: On the Sunday before the Memorial Monday, I went to the Laguna Hills Mall, where at the center court they had stands set up for the event's last minute registration. I filled out the application, paid the fee ($28), got the packet (a T-shirt, the "bib" and the electronic tag, some flyers and coupons), and went home.
The next morning, I woke up early and drove to Laguna Hills Mall, where the run was scheduled to start at 7:30 AM. It was a little before 7 AM, but plenty of cars and a crowd were gathering already at the mall's parking lot and the street nearby where the run would start, in a festive mood. Since this was my first time here (for the life of me, the only other time I had participated in an event like this was a few years back in Taipei city when I happened to be there and they happened to have a multi-national company sponsored half-marathon and 3K event with the city), I checked if my bib was pinned at the right place (it should be at the front side of the shirt, not the back), and if I were wearing the tracking tag correctly (circled underneath the shoe lace) like everyone else. Then I joined the crowd, waited behind the start line while stretching my limbs a bit for warm-up. I got my bib number at 2595, and I saw some people wearing 3-digit bib numbers, so I guessed there must be a couple thousand people registered for this event. As for the crowd's makeup, it's quite a toss-up: men and women, young and old, teens in team, kids with parents, boys with girl friends, mothers with babies in strollers.. athletic looking and weight challenged.. a lively sample of people of all kinds living here. (Not many Asians, though).
Then the time came, and after a short speech and a Memorial Day observance, the march started. Because of the crowd size, the start line stretched about 100 yards long, and I was at about the latter third of it. It was slow moving in the beginning, but pretty soon it spanned out, and everyone had plenty of room to move about (the thing I remember most about the Taipei run was the crowd was so dense from beginning till end I had no way of maneuvering during the whole run).
Right after we left the mall, we ran inside the city of Laguna Woods, the gated retirement community where youngsters like me are not allowed to enter, except today, and they even had amicable residents lining up on the curb cheering us on, and water stands where they handed you the water and you drank and then threw the cups away, just like the professionals did on TV. I took a few looks at the community, feeling pleasure and ease in the morning cool, and checked out a few of my fellow runners as I passed them by. I noticed many, especially the younger ones, were wearing their iPod earphones, probably the same way they did with their regular jogging. I also saw one woman running with a cell phone on a holster, must be quite serious about keeping in touch with people while on the run.
We came out of Laguna Woods after traversing a few blocks there and got back on the Laguna Hills city street Paseo de Valencia, where the police had cordoned it off so no cars could be on it except we runners. It came to my mind that I drive my car on this road almost daily, but this is the first time ever I had my feet solidly on the asphalt ground. That feels great.
From here on, we were working on our last one K of the run (an official stood at the checkpoint and announced the elapsed time to every passing runner). Now here we had a little uphill slope to overcome, which again in car you wouldn't feel a thing, but on feet the law of gravity did pull a drag on you. No big deal, I told myself, I exercise on my treadmill everyday with the maximum grade setting, just hang in there and it will pass in no time.
And in no time it did pass, and now I was trotting downhill, and I could see the end clearly, right at the corner of Valencia and Alicia Pkwy, where I just needed to turn right and then into the entrance of the community center where the run would end. Up till now, I had not thought about running for a ranking--all I wanted was to have some fun doing this--but now I recalled I seemed to have passed quite a few runners along the way, and as I looked up, I could see there were only about 50 people ahead of me.. so, who knew, maybe I'd got some chance of getting some good ranking (they pick the top 3 runners of each age group for awards) out of this. So I began to guard my place, tried passing a few more runners when I could.. Whoa, right before I turned the corner, a tall white guy sped past me.. A few seconds later, a young woman with her stroller whizzed right by me too.. Admirable last minute sprinters, I said to myself.. Seconds later, I turned into the community center entrance, and I saw a big timer panel flashing 27 minute something. I had made it!
There were a few booths and stands at the end line reception area, most touting sports related products and services. I was a bit exhausted, so I spared no time there and took the shuttle back to the mall, found my car, and drove home. It was not even past 9 AM, my wife was still sleeping. I took a shower, had my coffee, and felt never better before!
********************************************************************************************************
A few after-words:
* I got the run's result a couple days later from the event's web site (see attached). It turns out there were a total of 1028 people participating in the run, and I was ranked 298th over all, 202th among all male runners, and 17th in my age group (50-54 years old). The number one runner finished with 15:43, (and I with 27:46), and there are many others in the below 20 minutes range. These "professional grade" runners probably zipped through the race long before I even had a chance to see their backs. Talk about "short-sightedness," those 50 or so people I saw in front of me before the finish line were only those a couple minutes ahead of me!
* I felt so great about the run I joined another 5K run within the same week, this time the Saddleback Community 5K Run sponsored by Saddleback Church, on Saturday. It was a much smaller crowd (about 200 runners, by my estimate), but as fun, or even more so, than the Laguna Hills': It had better after-the-run hosting--more free refreshments: cookies, yogurt, fruits, juice, coffee, and a gift raffle, and this time I did win a 3rd place award within my age group (pictures attached), due to the smaller participant pool!
Come join the fun next year!
The next morning, I woke up early and drove to Laguna Hills Mall, where the run was scheduled to start at 7:30 AM. It was a little before 7 AM, but plenty of cars and a crowd were gathering already at the mall's parking lot and the street nearby where the run would start, in a festive mood. Since this was my first time here (for the life of me, the only other time I had participated in an event like this was a few years back in Taipei city when I happened to be there and they happened to have a multi-national company sponsored half-marathon and 3K event with the city), I checked if my bib was pinned at the right place (it should be at the front side of the shirt, not the back), and if I were wearing the tracking tag correctly (circled underneath the shoe lace) like everyone else. Then I joined the crowd, waited behind the start line while stretching my limbs a bit for warm-up. I got my bib number at 2595, and I saw some people wearing 3-digit bib numbers, so I guessed there must be a couple thousand people registered for this event. As for the crowd's makeup, it's quite a toss-up: men and women, young and old, teens in team, kids with parents, boys with girl friends, mothers with babies in strollers.. athletic looking and weight challenged.. a lively sample of people of all kinds living here. (Not many Asians, though).
Then the time came, and after a short speech and a Memorial Day observance, the march started. Because of the crowd size, the start line stretched about 100 yards long, and I was at about the latter third of it. It was slow moving in the beginning, but pretty soon it spanned out, and everyone had plenty of room to move about (the thing I remember most about the Taipei run was the crowd was so dense from beginning till end I had no way of maneuvering during the whole run).
Right after we left the mall, we ran inside the city of Laguna Woods, the gated retirement community where youngsters like me are not allowed to enter, except today, and they even had amicable residents lining up on the curb cheering us on, and water stands where they handed you the water and you drank and then threw the cups away, just like the professionals did on TV. I took a few looks at the community, feeling pleasure and ease in the morning cool, and checked out a few of my fellow runners as I passed them by. I noticed many, especially the younger ones, were wearing their iPod earphones, probably the same way they did with their regular jogging. I also saw one woman running with a cell phone on a holster, must be quite serious about keeping in touch with people while on the run.
We came out of Laguna Woods after traversing a few blocks there and got back on the Laguna Hills city street Paseo de Valencia, where the police had cordoned it off so no cars could be on it except we runners. It came to my mind that I drive my car on this road almost daily, but this is the first time ever I had my feet solidly on the asphalt ground. That feels great.
From here on, we were working on our last one K of the run (an official stood at the checkpoint and announced the elapsed time to every passing runner). Now here we had a little uphill slope to overcome, which again in car you wouldn't feel a thing, but on feet the law of gravity did pull a drag on you. No big deal, I told myself, I exercise on my treadmill everyday with the maximum grade setting, just hang in there and it will pass in no time.
And in no time it did pass, and now I was trotting downhill, and I could see the end clearly, right at the corner of Valencia and Alicia Pkwy, where I just needed to turn right and then into the entrance of the community center where the run would end. Up till now, I had not thought about running for a ranking--all I wanted was to have some fun doing this--but now I recalled I seemed to have passed quite a few runners along the way, and as I looked up, I could see there were only about 50 people ahead of me.. so, who knew, maybe I'd got some chance of getting some good ranking (they pick the top 3 runners of each age group for awards) out of this. So I began to guard my place, tried passing a few more runners when I could.. Whoa, right before I turned the corner, a tall white guy sped past me.. A few seconds later, a young woman with her stroller whizzed right by me too.. Admirable last minute sprinters, I said to myself.. Seconds later, I turned into the community center entrance, and I saw a big timer panel flashing 27 minute something. I had made it!
There were a few booths and stands at the end line reception area, most touting sports related products and services. I was a bit exhausted, so I spared no time there and took the shuttle back to the mall, found my car, and drove home. It was not even past 9 AM, my wife was still sleeping. I took a shower, had my coffee, and felt never better before!
********************************************************************************************************
A few after-words:
* I got the run's result a couple days later from the event's web site (see attached). It turns out there were a total of 1028 people participating in the run, and I was ranked 298th over all, 202th among all male runners, and 17th in my age group (50-54 years old). The number one runner finished with 15:43, (and I with 27:46), and there are many others in the below 20 minutes range. These "professional grade" runners probably zipped through the race long before I even had a chance to see their backs. Talk about "short-sightedness," those 50 or so people I saw in front of me before the finish line were only those a couple minutes ahead of me!
* I felt so great about the run I joined another 5K run within the same week, this time the Saddleback Community 5K Run sponsored by Saddleback Church, on Saturday. It was a much smaller crowd (about 200 runners, by my estimate), but as fun, or even more so, than the Laguna Hills': It had better after-the-run hosting--more free refreshments: cookies, yogurt, fruits, juice, coffee, and a gift raffle, and this time I did win a 3rd place award within my age group (pictures attached), due to the smaller participant pool!
Come join the fun next year!
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